The past couple of days have been a series of adventures and I can safely say that I have lived… I have after a really long time attempted the craziest feats that only dare devils and the terminally ill are privileged to do. I guess, to live life, you must face your own mortality… from jet sailing, water skiing to archery, whoa! What an adventure!
I have also realised (as if!) that swimming is a required survival skill after the panic that I felt yesterday when I was immersed in water, life Jacket and all! How hilarious! I have a fear of drowning; maybe I might have died at sea in one of my previous lives. I have now added swimming lessons to my 2010 resolutions; it’s not even an option.
Today, my body hurts, feels like I have been run over by a truck and I still say, it was worth it! Next week am doing the Gorge slide or Bunji jump! Need I say more?? I have faced mortality and realise now, more than ever that, when I get the choice to sit it out or dance. I will dance.
Yesterday, I was watching a film whose title I can’t remember because I caught it off chance and it had already run half way, anyway, it’s a story about young love and a father who believes in the concept that you are too young to love. He tries to keep his daughter and her boyfriend apart but it does not work and when the family travel out of town, the boy follows them. In a brief scene between the boy and the girl’s father, the boy says to the girl’s father that, ‘love is not a feeling, it’s an ability…’
I have no way of knowing who the script writer for this film is, but I know for sure that this is one of the most profound definitions of love that I have heard in this lifetime…
How many of us have the ability to love? To really love someone or themselves unconditionally? I have been musing over this definition for a while and the words keep ringing in my ear. I mean, we’ve all been in a place where we have told someone we love them and when they ask how we know, we affirm by saying, its how we feel. BUT is that really how we know? Through feelings? Emotions!? Or is it because we are able to? Feelings are fleeting and thus cannot be the cornerstone for measuring the meaning or depth of love (I think).
Ability on the other hand simply means the skill or capacity to do something well… Love is the ability to care, to understand, to tolerate, to accept, to protect, to encourage whilst embracing your own and the next person’s inadequacies…
This definition of love strikes a cord with me and I know that I have fallen short of love’s true definition. My goal from now on, is to find that capacity within me to love, in love’s own fashion. When you gain an ability to do something, you will always have it regardless, nothing can take it away. So, if you love someone, you probably will always posses that ability, but like any other skill, it can only be sustained through regular practice.
I am now harnessing the capacity to love myself more, and taking a chance on life, learning to put myself first; that way, I too can love others. I am fortunate to be blessed with so much love in my life but many a time have failed to see it for what it is. I have continued to focus on the past and future as opposed to the now. I have plenty of love right now and I am recieving it with gratitude.
Starting this very minute, I am on an adventure called life, happy and loving it and if I get the chance to sit it out or dance. I will dance! When I acquire the ability to love someone, I will do just that!
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Only by Grace...
When I first embarked on my worldly journey, I was fully covered. Floating in my mother’s womb, I had all that I needed for my journey and guess what? I didn’t need to lift a finger; my mother’s body had my back. I had everything I needed…
When I burst forth onto this planet (literally!) and during my formative years, I was totally dependent on my parents more so, on my mother and again, the same ring – my mother had my back, all I had to do was run back if I was happy or sad and all would be well, my parents would fix it for me… What bliss, having someone else who fixes it for you 24/7!
Things changed when I grew into my teens and early adulthood, all of a sudden, my parents didn’t know anything, I knew it all, I mean, what could they possibly know!?? I felt, I knew better than they did and I embarked on a required journey of self discovery and external influences disregarding my parents’ advice , when I got to my mid twenties, it hit me that mother did know best after all…
When we examine the journey of a soul on this earth, its quiet clear that from the start, you are fully equipped for the journey and yes, the creator does know best.
I reflect on the path that has been my life and marvel at the purity of all things that have come to me, I have been blessed simply because I am, this; without my having had to earn any of these blessings that have been showered upon me. This, despite the popular myth that you have to work for it, grace has followed me... and continues to.
For a while, I have been walking around like a radio without an antenna - detached from my radar and with the accompanying chaos! My connection to the mother ship has been scrambled. I have lost focus and concentrated on petty issues like office politics, salaries or the lack, material things (stuff) that all of us will leave behind. Finite resources that oh! Means so much!! Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with owning the finer things in life or making money but it just shouldn’t define you…
India Arie coined it in song, when she said, I am not my car, and I am not my hair… Indeed I too, am not my job, my name, my age, my salary… I am spirit, infinitely woven into the DNA of the universe. I can relax. I am exceptionally blessed.
What to me has been the hardest part of living a spiritual life, has been letting go, trusting and believing that it’s really alright, I can let go and the world will not FALL APART; that my soul has its own destiny and I will get to my appointed place whether I like it or not. My choices are only limited to how long it takes me to get there…But I will get there.
What fascinates me about humanity is that, the different stories of creation and the miracle of life that we witness everyday attest to the fact that, we are fully loved and infinitely cared for and as spirits that walk the earth, there should be no point when we say to the creator, alright dude, we’ll take it from here…
The story of the fall from grace in the bible in my view, represents humanity’s unwillingness to let the creator lead. If we examine all the problems that affect the world, we have devised our own little methods of trying to fix it, truth is, and we can not fix it. We can’t fix something that we did not design, more so that, we are not in possession of the blue prints of that design.
When we purchase something and it fails, we return the product to the manufacturer… we have all seen what happens if we decide to call in a corner mechanic. So, why go through all that drama and pain, when we can just return the product to the warranted manufacturer??
Humanity’s defects can only be healed or set right by the creator and the fascinating part is that; we find the creator exactly where he/she always is, inside of us. When we are challenged or triumphant we only need to look in wards because in there, lie our answers.
“Healing starts when you begin to detach your worth from external influences’
When I burst forth onto this planet (literally!) and during my formative years, I was totally dependent on my parents more so, on my mother and again, the same ring – my mother had my back, all I had to do was run back if I was happy or sad and all would be well, my parents would fix it for me… What bliss, having someone else who fixes it for you 24/7!
Things changed when I grew into my teens and early adulthood, all of a sudden, my parents didn’t know anything, I knew it all, I mean, what could they possibly know!?? I felt, I knew better than they did and I embarked on a required journey of self discovery and external influences disregarding my parents’ advice , when I got to my mid twenties, it hit me that mother did know best after all…
When we examine the journey of a soul on this earth, its quiet clear that from the start, you are fully equipped for the journey and yes, the creator does know best.
I reflect on the path that has been my life and marvel at the purity of all things that have come to me, I have been blessed simply because I am, this; without my having had to earn any of these blessings that have been showered upon me. This, despite the popular myth that you have to work for it, grace has followed me... and continues to.
For a while, I have been walking around like a radio without an antenna - detached from my radar and with the accompanying chaos! My connection to the mother ship has been scrambled. I have lost focus and concentrated on petty issues like office politics, salaries or the lack, material things (stuff) that all of us will leave behind. Finite resources that oh! Means so much!! Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with owning the finer things in life or making money but it just shouldn’t define you…
India Arie coined it in song, when she said, I am not my car, and I am not my hair… Indeed I too, am not my job, my name, my age, my salary… I am spirit, infinitely woven into the DNA of the universe. I can relax. I am exceptionally blessed.
What to me has been the hardest part of living a spiritual life, has been letting go, trusting and believing that it’s really alright, I can let go and the world will not FALL APART; that my soul has its own destiny and I will get to my appointed place whether I like it or not. My choices are only limited to how long it takes me to get there…But I will get there.
What fascinates me about humanity is that, the different stories of creation and the miracle of life that we witness everyday attest to the fact that, we are fully loved and infinitely cared for and as spirits that walk the earth, there should be no point when we say to the creator, alright dude, we’ll take it from here…
The story of the fall from grace in the bible in my view, represents humanity’s unwillingness to let the creator lead. If we examine all the problems that affect the world, we have devised our own little methods of trying to fix it, truth is, and we can not fix it. We can’t fix something that we did not design, more so that, we are not in possession of the blue prints of that design.
When we purchase something and it fails, we return the product to the manufacturer… we have all seen what happens if we decide to call in a corner mechanic. So, why go through all that drama and pain, when we can just return the product to the warranted manufacturer??
Humanity’s defects can only be healed or set right by the creator and the fascinating part is that; we find the creator exactly where he/she always is, inside of us. When we are challenged or triumphant we only need to look in wards because in there, lie our answers.
“Healing starts when you begin to detach your worth from external influences’
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
On The Matrix and Faith...
Faith is not trying to believe something regardless of the evidence. Faith is daring to do something regardless of the consequences.--Sherwood Eddy
The past couple of days, I have had the privilege of staying at home listening to Dr. Dyer and Marianne Williamson from the series "Advancing Your Faith'
What an awesome few days. In between the delirium and fever, I have found my vocation.
I have been trying to practice detachment and it’s been a serious curve! Man! The mystics are awesome, how can they do that!? I mean really? Be detached and concerned at the same time.
Anyhow, I will get there.
Right now, I have a dull headache that wants to turn into my reality but the possibility of finding my own authenticity – my voice, is currently more pressing than this murmer. I shall not be distracted. Despite this minor discomfort, I still marvel at the synchronicity of life.
What suddenly strikes me is just how much my life has been altered during these couple of days that I have sat alone in utter silence... Boy, have I changed!? I can now confidently affirm that the creator's voice is clearest at dawn.
I am not just skivving off work, I haven’t been well, something to do with Malaria, but then again, they say that dis -ease is the body/soul's way of telling you to stop. Stop;
Long enough to let go
Long enough to change
Long enough to listen
Long enough to forgive
Long enough to cry and say am sorry, please forgive me...
Long enough to say I love you...
” It’s the question that drives us” - thus spake the wise Morpheus to a bewildered Neo... in the sci – fi film, The Matrix.
Like Neo, I feel like I have just swallowed the red pill and I want to go back and like Neo, I can not fall back into the dark deep void of nothingness that I once believed to be my reality; a place dominated by fear, poverty, ignorance and disease.
This calls to mind the story of the children of Israel after the parting of the red sea, like the children of Israel, I have wandered the desert, painting pictures of Egypt and cussing Moses (or is it Morpheus?!) for bringing me this far.
(Moses and Morpheus are interchangeably used for my spirit guides who pushed me beyond what I perceived was my limit.)
The desert looms ahead and beyond lies the Promised Land but I cannot behold it because my pain body would rather die than take a leap of faith.
I swallow the red pill and I have faith. I shall tarry no longer for the promised land awaits… mine will not be the forty years that the children of Israel took to “get it.” I get now and with faith as my staff, I know that I am in the Promised Land. All I have to do is reach and drink from the fountains and rivers that flow with milk and honey, it’s my time.
I don't need to re-invent the wheel , the masters that go before me have already shown me the way and like my late mother would affirm through a Bemba proverb “Apatebeta Lesa, tapafuka chushi” So why sweat it?
Like many of the souls that go before me, I too, have, in my quest to find the answer overlooked the most precious and sacred place where I can find it, in me... My faith has been the one shield I have had against fear, like Neo in the Matrix, I am going to be that person who never has to dodge bullets in whatever form. Be it bullets of betrayal, hate, lies etc. I can’t be bothered. I am blessed.
My fascination with sci - fi stems from the knowledge that life is an illusion and you create your own realities based on the level of your faith.
My definition of Faith:
To have faith, it is to believe that you are infinitely ordained and prepared to make the trip that is life's journey.... for every challenge you face, the creator has already given you the tools to overcome, all you need to do is tap in.
Like an astronaut floating around in space - the mother ship has your back.
Faith to me now means, it’s alright Juliet... you can let go.
We all stumble and fall, sometimes, we lose direction in life, it’s a requirement. But the unwavering campus that connects our souls will ensures us safe passage. We are Safe...
Because of this guarantee, am assured that we are infinitely cherished, loved powerful and pure. We each have everything we require for the journey
In the silence of day, I have found my answer to the question of existence, the question that drives me…
The past couple of days, I have had the privilege of staying at home listening to Dr. Dyer and Marianne Williamson from the series "Advancing Your Faith'
What an awesome few days. In between the delirium and fever, I have found my vocation.
I have been trying to practice detachment and it’s been a serious curve! Man! The mystics are awesome, how can they do that!? I mean really? Be detached and concerned at the same time.
Anyhow, I will get there.
Right now, I have a dull headache that wants to turn into my reality but the possibility of finding my own authenticity – my voice, is currently more pressing than this murmer. I shall not be distracted. Despite this minor discomfort, I still marvel at the synchronicity of life.
What suddenly strikes me is just how much my life has been altered during these couple of days that I have sat alone in utter silence... Boy, have I changed!? I can now confidently affirm that the creator's voice is clearest at dawn.
I am not just skivving off work, I haven’t been well, something to do with Malaria, but then again, they say that dis -ease is the body/soul's way of telling you to stop. Stop;
Long enough to let go
Long enough to change
Long enough to listen
Long enough to forgive
Long enough to cry and say am sorry, please forgive me...
Long enough to say I love you...
” It’s the question that drives us” - thus spake the wise Morpheus to a bewildered Neo... in the sci – fi film, The Matrix.
Like Neo, I feel like I have just swallowed the red pill and I want to go back and like Neo, I can not fall back into the dark deep void of nothingness that I once believed to be my reality; a place dominated by fear, poverty, ignorance and disease.
This calls to mind the story of the children of Israel after the parting of the red sea, like the children of Israel, I have wandered the desert, painting pictures of Egypt and cussing Moses (or is it Morpheus?!) for bringing me this far.
(Moses and Morpheus are interchangeably used for my spirit guides who pushed me beyond what I perceived was my limit.)
The desert looms ahead and beyond lies the Promised Land but I cannot behold it because my pain body would rather die than take a leap of faith.
I swallow the red pill and I have faith. I shall tarry no longer for the promised land awaits… mine will not be the forty years that the children of Israel took to “get it.” I get now and with faith as my staff, I know that I am in the Promised Land. All I have to do is reach and drink from the fountains and rivers that flow with milk and honey, it’s my time.
I don't need to re-invent the wheel , the masters that go before me have already shown me the way and like my late mother would affirm through a Bemba proverb “Apatebeta Lesa, tapafuka chushi” So why sweat it?
Like many of the souls that go before me, I too, have, in my quest to find the answer overlooked the most precious and sacred place where I can find it, in me... My faith has been the one shield I have had against fear, like Neo in the Matrix, I am going to be that person who never has to dodge bullets in whatever form. Be it bullets of betrayal, hate, lies etc. I can’t be bothered. I am blessed.
My fascination with sci - fi stems from the knowledge that life is an illusion and you create your own realities based on the level of your faith.
My definition of Faith:
To have faith, it is to believe that you are infinitely ordained and prepared to make the trip that is life's journey.... for every challenge you face, the creator has already given you the tools to overcome, all you need to do is tap in.
Like an astronaut floating around in space - the mother ship has your back.
Faith to me now means, it’s alright Juliet... you can let go.
We all stumble and fall, sometimes, we lose direction in life, it’s a requirement. But the unwavering campus that connects our souls will ensures us safe passage. We are Safe...
Because of this guarantee, am assured that we are infinitely cherished, loved powerful and pure. We each have everything we require for the journey
In the silence of day, I have found my answer to the question of existence, the question that drives me…
Saturday, January 2, 2010
2010 - New Year's Resolutions
Hello my friends,
Its the 3rd of January, 2010 and everything feels pretty much the same to me except that am cashless and have this insane migraine! I say, this to me feels no different from 2009 for me, except that, for the first time in a long time, I actually made some New Year's resolutions.
I spent the 'festive season' without so much as a feast and in hindsight, for me, it really wasn't a 'festive season' although I got to see my friends and gatecrashed a couple of parties. In the end, I did have that party after all, although, it was actually a farewell party for a close friend who's leaving the country this weekend. My friends and I decided to host a 'dutch party' for him on New Year's eve. It was fantastic (I think) and my friends came... at the crack of 2010, a good friend pulled me close and asked me to reflect on 2009 and my list of so called friends, and in that moment, I had my aha moment that birthed my New Year's resolutions for 2010
I once read something that Oprah Winfrey said about doubt, I can't recall the exact words but it was something like, 'If you doubt, don't'. Doubt means, Don't. Don't move. Don't speak.
In other words, Just Be. Give it time. Let it go etc
This year, I will be still and wait for that purpose that the universe has already bestowed unto me...
Piece of advice for 2010 - Be still. Listen, Speak Less...
Happy 2010
Its the 3rd of January, 2010 and everything feels pretty much the same to me except that am cashless and have this insane migraine! I say, this to me feels no different from 2009 for me, except that, for the first time in a long time, I actually made some New Year's resolutions.
I spent the 'festive season' without so much as a feast and in hindsight, for me, it really wasn't a 'festive season' although I got to see my friends and gatecrashed a couple of parties. In the end, I did have that party after all, although, it was actually a farewell party for a close friend who's leaving the country this weekend. My friends and I decided to host a 'dutch party' for him on New Year's eve. It was fantastic (I think) and my friends came... at the crack of 2010, a good friend pulled me close and asked me to reflect on 2009 and my list of so called friends, and in that moment, I had my aha moment that birthed my New Year's resolutions for 2010
- I will develop a spirit of gratitude - always. No matter how hard it is
- I will not be broke from today onwards - sometimes, I might be financially inconvenienced. BROKE is not a word I will USE to describe my financial position again!
- I will choose my friends very carefully but still maintain my faith in the pureness of the Human Spirit but will not tolerate or entertain 'friends' who bail out on me.
- I vow not to let the myopia of other individuals cause me pain. If my heart is not at peace with any relationship, I will END it. There's nothing like, he/she'll change, an arsehole will remain just that, an arse hole...
I once read something that Oprah Winfrey said about doubt, I can't recall the exact words but it was something like, 'If you doubt, don't'. Doubt means, Don't. Don't move. Don't speak.
In other words, Just Be. Give it time. Let it go etc
This year, I will be still and wait for that purpose that the universe has already bestowed unto me...
Piece of advice for 2010 - Be still. Listen, Speak Less...
Happy 2010
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