Sweden

I am lying down in a hotel room and missing home like crazy... home... that word makes me want to cry. Today, has been difficult for me, the realisation that I cannot pick up the phone and call the people who are closest to me almost renders me powerless.

As I allow myself to wallow in self pity, I think of all the millions of people who would do anything to trade places with me. To be in such a fantastic place and to learn as much as I have over the past few weeks and to meet all the fabulous people that I have met. But today, I am not those people, I dont want to be those people, today, I am just me... tired, grouchy and ungrateful. Sick and homesick.

I keep going through my head trying to retrace the steps that I have taken that have led me to here, to now... What is my purpose? My calling? Am I living that life? Am I your definition of a true activist? I am I willing to give it all up for the cause? What is that cause? Do I even fully understand what it is?

Earlier, over lunch a friend of mine pointed out just how judgemental we can all be at times and I found myself in the box that I try so hard not be in... I strive everyday to judge less and love more but the path to ones own enlightenment is so hard... I am tired of trying to be me, I just wanna be me, Independent of others perceptions and the worst part is that the world is a very hard place to live.

I like Sweden but I love home and I guess after all is said and done, I am a child of the earth and to my Africa I must return. I have made mistakes and judged others harshly, I have been self critical and have known the sin of self righteousness. My conclusion remains, I am not right, you are not wrong, its all about perception.

I have made a decision to enjoy the rest of my days in this cold beautiful place where I have met people with some of the most biggest hearts, hearts that can warm up a house on the coldest of days... I guess its no wonder am home sick.

I promise to enjoy every moment here and whenever I feel down, I only have to bask in the awesome hearts of every person that surrounded me here, appreciating them for their unique differences and loving them nontheless... the obvious mistakes I have made, I leave in the past.

I have had the privilidge to meet the wonderful staff at RFSL, the amazing activists from all around the African continent, incredible Zama from South Africa, Jay whose bright smile lights up my mornings... the open hearted Christians from Diakonia Zambia and Uganda... Thomas... from Amnesty, Audrey from Kenya who has challenged my concept of love...

My hosts in their myriad of personalities, incredible Maria, Steady Jonas, happy Karin and the ever organised and wonderful Anna... I will carry you with me.

And then theres my friend Shanshi the transblack... the Zambian crew in the form of one Eddie, Dorcas and Hope and my friend and travel companion Longa. I am grateful.

I have had the privilege to meet with giants in the movement, the celebrated Victor Mukasa who defied all odds, who stood up against the tides and gave hope to so many... and I question my place here, I doubt myself and my voice...

To all my friends on this journey, synchronicity allowed us all to meet in this place at this time, let us all rise with one voice and be the love and change that we want to see.

Theres power in unity and we are all united against different injustices that occur in our lives, let our voices be heard, let us not be silenced, we may falter and stumble but our goal and hearts should be fixeted on the prize... freedom and rights for all.

I read something somewhere that said, lets separate the church from hate because they are not the same thing. People want to put us in boxes and also want to retain the right to label them, well, theres nothing we can do about those boxes but theres a lot that we can do in our hearts. We can be the bigger people and love them. Theres no them and us here, theres just us, humanity complete in our collective consciousness.

I am still homesick but this here, this minute, feels like home. Indeed I can safely say, I have walked with giants